Carry It Now marks the shift from explanation and blame toward ownership. The past mattered and other people caused real damage, but eventually healing became a responsibility that could not be handed to anyone else.
At some point I had to stop explaining my pain and start owning my healing.
Yes, childhood affected me. Yes, mistakes were made around me. Yes, I inherited anger and dysfunction. But eventually it became mine to carry.
No parent could fix it. No woman could heal it. No friend could save it.
I had to carry it now.
This song is where blame started losing power over me.
[Verse 1] Woke up breathin’, didn’t feel alive Still don’t know the reason why Same face starin’ back at me But I ain’t who I used to be Quiet halls and fluorescent light Too much truth, nowhere to hide Every thought just circles back To everything I can’t take back [Pre-Chorus] No more runnin’, no escape I see it all… I feel the weight [Chorus] I gotta live with everything now Every line I crossed somehow Every night I can’t outrun Every thing that I’ve become Second chance don’t feel like grace Feels like standin’ face to face With the man I tried to drown I gotta carry it now [Verse 2] Thinkin’ ‘bout that red dirt hill All the words I never said still Her voice echoes in my head Every prayer I left unsaid Thinkin’ ‘bout the ones I hurt All the lies, the damage burned Tryna figure who I am With blood still on my hands [Pre-Chorus] No more lies to get me through I see the past in everything I do [Chorus] I gotta live with everything now Every line I crossed somehow Every night I can’t outrun Every thing that I’ve become Second chance don’t feel like grace Feels like standin’ face to face With the man I tried to drown I gotta carry it now [Bridge] If I’m still here… there’s a reason Even if I don’t believe it If there’s somethin’ left for me I don’t know what that could be [Final Chorus] I gotta live with everything now But I ain’t layin’ back down Every breath I didn’t choose Means I got somethin’ left to prove Don’t feel strong, don’t feel found Just still standin’ on this ground One step forward, don’t know how… But I’m carryin’ it now