Red Dirt Hill is about being shaped by a culture of toughness and discipline while never learning the same lessons about grief, vulnerability, tenderness or how to talk about pain.
I moved into red dirt country. Small-town values, football pride, toughness, reputation, boredom, and heat. That world taught me discipline, grit, and how to compete.
It did not teach me how to grieve. It did not teach me how to talk about pain. It did not teach me tenderness.
I learned how to be strong in body before I ever learned how to be strong in spirit.
This song is about the place that shaped me and starved parts of me.
[Verse 1 – Ohio, slipping but not gone yet] Back roads, headlights, I was fifteen Stumblin’ home like a ghost they’d seen Gravel drive and I hit the ground Woke up cold with no one around 2AM and I crept inside Tried to hide what I couldn’t hide She just said, “You still go to school” No yelling… that made it cruel Waterbed and a spinning room Hit the edge and I sealed my doom Sick on sheets, couldn’t stand the shame Still woke up and went anyway [Verse 2 – people trying to stop me] Showed up drunk at her mama’s place She saw it written all on my face Didn’t yell, didn’t slam the door Just dragged me straight to the bathroom floor Cold water runnin’ down my head Tryna wake up what wasn’t dead Hands on me, sayin’ “this ain’t you” But I was already slippin’ through [Pre-Chorus] Then everything changed without a sound Life I knew got pulled from the ground [Chorus] Packed it up, left it all behind Pieces of me I couldn’t find Alabama never felt like home Just a place where I stayed gone [Verse 3] Cancer took her piece by piece I took shots just to find release Every night was a blur of sound Didn’t care if I burned it down Dropped out young at sixteen years Drownin’ days and erasin’ fears Astro van and an open road Nowhere left but a heavy load [Bridge – everything collapses] They were callin’, I didn’t go Couldn’t face what I’d come to know All that time I just ran away Now there’s nothin’ left to say [Final Section – the hill] Red dirt hill, I sat alone Watched them carry my mother home Didn’t move, didn’t make a sound Just let the silence pin me down No goodbye, couldn’t cross that line Too ashamed of the life I’d find All that noise, all that reckless thrill… Meant nothin’ on that red dirt hill